from U.G. Krishnamurti

" 'I don't know what to do, I am helpless, totally helpless'-- as long as you think you are totally helpless, you will depend on some outside agency."

-U.G. Krishnamurti, as quoted in Goner, by Louis Brawley

Drumcliff Churchyard, Ireland

Cast a cold eye
On life, on death.
Horseman, pass by!


         -Yeats headstone epitaph, Drumcliff, Ireland

Quote for Reflection

"A warrior cannot complain or regret anything. His life is an endless challenge, and challenges cannot possibly be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges...the basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or as a curse."
   
-Don Juan

Reflections by John Wang on Training

What I'm about to put into words will probably make me appear petty. But what happened is the genesis of some inner clarity. So here it goes. The dojo hosted Jenny Flower Sensei for a weekend seminar. There were four classes on Saturday. The weather was hot and muggy; the mat was packed. From the first technique, my legs already started to shake and I knew it was going to be a very tough day of training. (For those who get dehydrated easily, it's not a good idea to drink coffee before a long day of training.) I was sure Flower Sensei would call me up a few times for ukemi -- I was excited. That excitement gradually turned into dread as we moved from the first class to the second to the third. The mixture of dread and exhaustion at that point was starting to affect me.  Near the end of the third class, I was called up. What followed was a shameful display of ukemi that made me cringe as I saw it later on video. What I saw was someone whose sole interest was "hey look, I can take ukemi." I went up and did a dance and flapped around like a fish that was dropped by a fisherman onto a wooden deck.

I first started studying Aikido under Yahe Solomon Sensei. One day during practice he looked at me and said, "This is not a performance art. That beginner takes better ukemi than you." I have thought about those words on various occasions. On a superficial level, they meant that my practice lacks the connection necessary to improve. On a deeper level, they meant "stop adding things because you are a superhero in your own mind." They meant that the unnecessary stuff I add to ukemi only detracts from the practice. It has been 10 years since I heard those words. I have found those words apply to me on and off the mat. They certainly applied to me when I took ukemi for Flower Sensei.

As I understand it, a true encounter happens when both the uke and the nage react to each other spontaneously and naturally. The uke attacks strongly but properly with his center. He finishes the attack in good posture ready for a follow up attack if possible. The nage feels the uke encroaching his space and reacts by using his center to affect the incoming uke's center. The ensuing clash or blending of centers creates an energy that results in a technique. The ending remains uncertain until the very end. It just happens. For me, it'll happen when I stop hoping/trying to "look good" while doing it. It'd also help if I can stop jumping around like a dead fish gasping for its dying breath.

-J. Wang

Onions! grown by K. Nagy in dojo roof garden.

Quote from Tecumseh, Native American Shawnee leader

Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about his religion. Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. 

Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, or even a stranger, if in a lonely place. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself. Touch not the poisonous firewater that makes wise ones turn to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. 

When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.

-Tecumseh

Acceptance

Getting Krissie out of bed to come join me for a 7 AM Aikido class is akin to pulling the steel hull of a sunken ship from the bottom of the ocean. On the way to a recent Thursday morning class, I think I heard her murmur "putting on a gi right now is a mortal sin." I prefer morning classes. I like to “get it out of the way” before I have a chance to think too much about it.  I am more prone to resist the evening classes. In the summer they are a lot hotter, Sensei is more amped up, and they conflict with that happy hour beer. We all resist training at times. The thing we can control, and what I have been working on, is my relationship to that resistance. 

The training itself is challenging and difficult at times, but sometimes breaking through the resistance to "showing up" is harder. This is strange because I’ve never attended an Aikido class that I haven’t enjoyed or have regretted being a part of.  I’m always happy to have trained and appreciate the benefits the practice brings. These benefits include, but are not limited to: a sense of calm, increased balance, and a fount of positive energy. Aikido brings all these things, but only when you train consistently. We learn to drop our resistance to training or just stop paying attention to it. This gets us on the mat. 

Once on the mat, resistance resurfaces. As uke,we resist moving fast, stretching deeply, and attacking sincerely.  As nage we resist by using strength instead of proper technique in an attempt to overpower our partner.  Sensei speaks about “cutting away” or “dropping” what is non-essential rather than looking to add something. By cutting away our resistance we find it easier to stay connected and absorb the technique nage applies. By dropping resistance, we develop the ability to absorb and use uke’s force instead of coming into conflict with it. Naturally, resistance is dropped through dedicated practice. Cultivating the proper mindset and spirit accelerate this evolution. When there is no longer resistance, acceptance remains.

-N. Landes